With Mayan calendars prophesying the end-of-the-world in 2012, the staff of the National Constitution Center ventured to make a few predictions of their own ... while they still could. Staffers here come in all political flavors, but based on their predictions they share one thing in common: Unlike the Mayans, they all belong to the party of hope. Herewith staff predictions for the coming year:
-The Occupy Wall Street and Tea Party movements transcend the culture-war and merge into a super-group: OccuTea. They form a new political party and choose an octopus as their mascot.
-Fed up with Congress’ inability to compromise, President Obama and Speaker Boehner force all members to Camp David for a weekend retreat. They get out their aggressions in a cut-throat, blue vs. red game of capture the flag. Afterwards, Congress sits around the campfire eating s’mores while balancing the budget and solving the debt crisis.
-President Obama wins a second term after a campaign against John Huntsman.
-Ron Paul is named TIME magazine’s Person of the Year.
-The European financial crisis leads to the collapse of the European Union and the rise of a new world power: Switzancegermarkennormaniastein.
-The American economy (viewed through rose-colored glasses) takes a turn for the better.
-Kim Kardashian remarries Kris Humphries and divorces him again before the end of the year. Alternatively, she finds a new husband and the marriage lasts longer than 72 days, but not by much.
-A worldwide pandemic of Bieber Fever, not the Mayan prophecy, brings about the end of times by causing adolescent girls to turn on each other and everyone else – wreaking havoc and leaving nothing but death and destruction in their wake.
-The 28th Amendment is ratified, repealing the 21st Amendment and bringing back Prohibition. Teetotalers rejoice! Everyone else isn’t that upset when the Mayans turn out to be right and the world ends.
-The current cupcake craze gives way to a new, even zanier craze: 2012 is the Year of the Meatloaf! Artisanal cooks all over the country begin rethinking this passé brick of meat and turn it into an elegant and fun party dish – ranging from tiny, personal loaves, for the most refined palates, to giant loaves for anniversaries and birthdays!
-Apple launches the next new thing for which people stand in huge lines and fork over way too much money.
-Tim Tebow leads the Denver Broncos to a Super Bowl victory. Upon receiving his MVP trophy, Tebow rips off his face mask to reveal that he is actually … Brett Favre. Alternatively, he merges his love of religion, sports and politics to sho9ck the world by retiring from the NFL and declaring his candidacy for president. Not only that, he wins!
-Miami goes four for four, winning major sports championships with the Marlins, Heat, Panther and Dolphins. But no one on South Beach actually cares.
National Constitution Center
-Bruce Springsteen himself shows up unannounced at the From Asbury Park to the Promised Land exhibition, grabs one of his guitars from an exhibit display and plays an acoustic set for the lucky visitors in attendance that day.
-In September, the Center’s 225th anniversary extravaganza for the Constitution draws as star-studded guest list, including the living presidents, Liberty Medal winner Steven Spielberg (who’s filming it for a documentary), Oprah (who’s filming it for an OWN special), and musical guest Beyonce (who brings Jay-Z, with their new baby in tow).
Happy New Year, everyone! If you have a prediction for 2012, please share it below.